Giving Up Sucks

I just read my last post about the diet and exercise regimen I started with my husband. We did great for 2 weeks, lost some weight and then life took over and we gave up. At first it was "too tired to do the workout today...we will double it up tomorrow". That continued for a few days until we didn't even make excuses anymore. It just fizzled away, never to be thought about again. Well, that's a lie. I DO think about it. I whine and moan about how gross my body is yet I don't do anything about it. Why is that? It is something that can be fixed for goodness sakes! I had been bugging my husband to get our elliptical machine back from a friends house where it was being stored. The HUGE machine has been in our TINY living room now for 3 days and I haven't touched it. Granted, it's been a bad week with the baby not sleeping through the night, work and anything else I can use as an excuse. It's time to get my butt in gear! I am going to make myself a list of goals. Not just with exercise but what I want to accomplish on a daily basis regarding household chores, my kids entertainment, financial stuff, etc. I want to ask my husband to make a list as well and see if we can work on stuff together. Help life be more organized I guess. Let's see if I can at least be successful at this!

Diet and Exercise = TORTURE!

I am not a dieter. Fifteen minutes into knowing I am restricting myself and I want to eat a pizza and have a beer. It's all mental. But so far I am into day 3 and I'm surviving. I think the exercise is a great help as I am feeling the results of my efforts with painful muscles. Which then reminds me I need to stick to the diet. I love that feeling of soreness! I will be so happy if I make it through a whole week and then even more happy when I see the results on the scale and in my measurments. The best part is that my husband and I are doing this together which makes it so much easier! I am not having to cook delicious dinners for my family and then eat a small piece of fish all by my lonesome. I have sworn off bathing suits since I had my second child. If I can lose this weight, I just might get into a swimming pool by the end of summer! Lets see if I can do this!!

Change

They say "change can be good", right? I don't know who "they" are but I hope they're right. This week has been a week of change. I have been with the same employer for 8 years. They helped me transition from being a working wife to a working mom, allowing me to work from home. That is something I will be forever grateful for. Although in the end it didn't work out as well as I had expected in regards to my workload and my pay but I got to spend time with my kids and work in my pajama's. You can't beat that! But now it's time to try something new. I have been in my comfort zone for so long in regards to my employment position. I don't have a "manager" over me making sure I do my job. I just get it done. I am now going into a position that seems to be very micro managed and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that. In the end I hope they can see that I know what I'm doing and leave me be but you never know. It's nerve racking and will require some "office time with real adults" which is something I probably need right now. Only a couple days a week in the beginning and then I will be back to my old routine. Change doesn't invigorate me, it scares the crap out of me. So it's time to turn in my resignation today, finish out my two weeks and then start on my new venture. I hope it's a good one!

Sunday Was A Good Day

You know those days where you feel relaxed and before you close your eyes to go to sleep you think "today was a GOOD day"? They seem to be few and far between but when they happen, it feels great. My day ended with a sink full of dishes, laundry piles on the floor and toothpaste streaks in the bathroom sink. So what made it "good"?

It's funny how much our mates "mood" effects our own. My husband seemed genuinely happy yesterday. He was relaxed and more easy going than normal. We met some friends for dinner after our meeting and although it was a quick meal so we could get noisy Rocco home, it was nice to have some social interraction. We NEVER go to restaurants with the kids all together as a family. Then we just got in our comfy clothes, slumped onto the couch and watched some t.v.. Nothing too significant but it was nice. Maybe we can do it again next Sunday!

Feeling A Little Less Guilty Today

Yesterday I decided to venture out in the heat of the Arizona sun to take the kids on an adventure. (If you call going to the mall an adventure) First we had lunch with my old boss from back when I was 17. It's hard watching people age so much. He asked Lily how old she was about 5 times. The fourth time she let out an "uuuuggghhh" but told him again. The fifth time she said "George, you can't keep asking me how old I am!". He didn't seem to notice. It was a nice lunch none the less!

Then we ventured over to Arizona Mills Mall to check out the new Aquarium. Not worth the $18.50 adult admission but seeing Rocco laugh so hard over the Stingray's swimming right by him made it all worth it! It's been a very long time since I have walked through a mall but being that it's an "outlet" mall, made it worth it. I wasn't planning on shopping but the kids needed a few things and who can pass up $6 pajama's and $7 shoes!

It was so stinkin' hot. Rocco turns BEAT red from the heat so by the time we got into the mall, he looked like he had heat stroke. Poor baby! But a little ice cream did the trick.

So at the end of the day, I had a little less guilt on my shoulders knowing my kids got to get out of the house and have some fun. Who knows what today will bring but there is nothing better than seeing your kids having fun!

What Our Mother's Didn't Warn Us About

Something that no one warns you about before you have children is the constant feeling of guilt that comes along with it. I wake up feeling guilty, I go to bed feeling guilty and now I need to vent about it! Why do we mother's beat ourselves up so much?

The definition of guilt is "a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc, whether real or imagined". Sounds very serious. But the guilt we mom's feel isn't over serious stuff! (well, hopefully not) If the teeth don't get brushed one night, they aren't going to fall out. If they go through an entire day without having one vegetable, they aren't going to get a disease. If they go to bed without being read to one night, they aren't going to run away and find a new family. Yet we let it eat at us for a bit, find something else to feel more guilty about and move on!

I think we all just want to be "perfect" parents, although no such thing exists. We want our children to think we are the best parents they ever could have asked for. But the truth is, we just do the best we can and hope they turn out as decent, well adjusted individuals. But that is a stressful job. What is a "well adjusted" individual anyway? And someone please tell me how to make sure my child becomes one. That would probably require lots of therapy of which I don't have the time or the money to do. So instead I'm left by myself to figure it all out. Thank goodness for girlfriends! Where would we be if we couldn't swap our child rearing stories? Some of which make us feel not as "guilty" about our own decision making. Or in the end, just make us feel more "normal". It also brings us back to the realization that we may not be perfect but we sure as heck try the best we can.